Monday, October 09, 2006

Sigmas in the Pooper

Bones ridiculed me for my uber-geigh praise of Ian Anderson's flute skills, so, in the absence of poker, hookers and blow, I figured I'd rant a little about the degeneracy present in my daily life: the trials and tribulations of NFL wagering!

Dirty Dave's "John Anthony" pick of the week was DET + 6.5 @ Minnesota, which I promptly laid off on the Big Show for 2 units. As the out of town scores flashed during the Giants-Skins game which I wasn't really watching, Detroit had the game in hand. I'm already counting my profits, when suddenly, the final score flashes: MIN 26, DET 17. What? I go online to find out what happened: Even after giving up 16 (soon to be 23!) 4th quarter points, the Lions were down by 2 with the ball, and under 2 minutes left - a mortal lock against the spread. Kitna promptly throws a pick-6, and they Lions secure the game loss, and the spread loss. FAAAHHHHHHHHK.

As a New England Patriots fan, I know what Drew Bledsoe can do to a team. In a bad way. Bledsoe on the road against a good team is one of those 6-sigma gambling situations that those of us "in the know" look for. When the overrated Cowboys came to Philly as mere 2 point dogs, I couldn't figure it out - it was too easy. So easy that I got nervous, and made my 10 star pick of the month a relatively sedate 3 unit play.

Fortunately, the Cowboys couldn't overcome Bledsoe, who fumbled the ball 3 times, threw 3 picks, and took about 65 sacks in the second half on key third down situations. Strangely enough, although Philly had been OWNING the Dallas offensive line all game, when Dallas finally had their backs against the ropes, down by 7 with under a minute left on their own 40 yard line with 4th and 18 with the game on the line, Philly decided to play prevent defense. What the fuck? They are absolutely mauling Bledsoe every single play, and they decide to give him time. Bad idea jeans. To make matters worse, the linebacker and the corner back BOTH bite on Terry Glenn's stop'n'go move, and Philly is forced to interfere with Glenn on the 5 yard line.

Suddenly, Dallas had 1st and goal from the 5, but unfortunately, they still had Bledsoe at the helm. On second down, he threw an interception in the endzone, which was promptly run back 102 yards for a meaningless TD. Thanks Bledsoe. I knew I could count on you. Cha-ching.

My scouts in Boston (read: my father) tell me that the Patriots looked like shit in dispatching of the Dolphins 20-10. I can't figure out the Pats. One week they look absolutely helpless at home on Sunday night against Denver, then the next week they go on the road against one of hottest teams in football in Cincinnati, and absolutely crush them. The next week they return home against the hapless 'Fins, and again cannot move the ball. Oy Vey. Hopefully they clear some things up with their bye week this week.

until next time,


Huge Junk said...

You can pretty much call it a mortal lock when any of my favorite teams are up against the spread. Bet on the other team.

In fact, tune in to watch some of the most painful discumbobulations you'll ever witness in sports. Just remember, while the Lions are doing it the Spartans are doing it, and more than likely (most of this year withstanding) the Tigers are doing it.

Then think of me punching holes in anything I see as if everything I look at has Ted Danson's face attached to it.

Anonymous said...

He's back!

I just started a movie-style slow clap at my desk!

(unless your definition of a unit is a copy of Dog Fancy)


Anonymous said...

As a Buffalo Bills fan, I also know alllll about the nightmare that is Drew Beldsoe. Glad to see we both made some money off of that Dallas-Philly game. I was about to go on tilt if Bledsoe actually completed a pass.