My car arrived with no trouble, and we breezed to JFK where I ran into a little Monday morning security line traffic. After negotiating the pack of doucheballs, I stopped to take a leak, and was fascinated by the waterless pisser in the bathroom. Not even a piss mint in there - amazing.
The flight was uneventful, apart from a typical array of fat ignorant idiots, and I breezed through McCarran to a 3 minute cab line, and straight to the Mirage. I checked my bag and, not psyched to play 3-6 limit hold'em, walked across the street to the Venetian, where I checked in on the 2-5NL list, and grabbed a quick bite to eat up in the food court at Panda Express. I returned to the poker room just in time to grab my seat, and sat down eager to reverse my recent ill fortunes at the poker table and dominate some doucheballs.
In my first orbit, I over-limped a UTG limper holding pocket 5's. 4 more people limped, and a nitty old regular in the small blind made a strange raise to $25. The initial limper now popped it to $125, and I folded quickly, as did everyone else back to the small blind, who thought for 2 minutes before mucking what he claimed (and I'm sure he was telling the truth) was QQ. I nodded at him: "You mucked queens?" "Yeah," he lamented. I nodded understandingly, "I mucked kings," I said, and it never occurred to him that I was full of shit - he thought that actually made SENSE! My old friend The Dealer was to the nit's left, and eyed me suspiciously, at which point I made an "are you fucking kidding me - of course I didn't muck kings" face, and he smiled and chuckled.
I was rapidly put on bajungi tilt by a complete ass-clown two seats to my left: an early position player opened for $30, and I called, directly to his left with 66. Now, Assclown says "raise 20" and is informed by the dealer that the minimum raise is to $55, which he is now obligated to make. It's folded back to the initial raiser, who now 4-bets it to $155, and I have to fold. Assclown calls, puts his last $60 in on the A-6-3 all heart flop, and turns another ace that he didn't need to crack the initial raiser's KK with his ACE JACK! Kid Dynamite falls victim to the three bet squeeze play min raise from a total assclown who held AJ - oy vey. I steamed right out of the room, and back accross the street, exchanging text messages with Chops along the way, who was trying his best to antagonize me.
Fortunately, Big Show had just landed, and he promptly met me at the Mirage, where we checked into our comped room, dropped out bags, and returned to the infamous Pai Gow pit where we'd been liquidated the year before. We were playing $10 Pai Gow, and upon seeing our player's cards, the pit boss politely informed us that we'd have to bet $25 per hand to be rated. I calmly replied that we understood, and that we would get there, and then chided Big Show: "He already has you rated: as a total douchebag."
I was excited to tell Big Show about the waterless urinal at JFK Airport, and he quickly inquired "What if you take a dooker in it?" "It's a urinal," I reiterated, but he just stared at me. "Yeah, so... same question." Sick fucker. Amazingly, the Mirage urinals have VERTICAL no-splash astro-turfs in them, as opposed to the Wynn's piss pots, which still have the horizontal no-splashers in them. I wonder if each casino has an Executive Vice President In Charge of Quelling Urinal Splashback. Heck - I'd go back to work for that job.