Friday, November 14, 2008

"If You Love America, You Throw Money In Its Hole!"

Via WallStreetFighter: President Bush Gives Nation "The Shocker"

I love this video from the Onion - you really have to appreciate how accurate a parody it is of these multi-panelist news debate shows:

In The Know: Should The Government Stop Dumping Money Into A Giant Hole?

My favorite is definitely the black lady: "My father worked two jobs so he'd have money to put in the money hole, and HE never complained!" and "If you love America, you throw money in its hole."

If you believe that people who took out mortgages they couldn't afford should have their outstanding loan balances reduced, well, then, you like Hitler:

Finally, I actually wasted about 90 minutes with Yahoo Chat support last night while I was watching the Jets-Pats game. All I could think of the whole time was the classic "I accidentally the whole fleshlight" prank... But I really had a problem with my email attachments.

Please wait for a Yahoo! agent to respond.

You are now chatting with Julie
KidDynamite: hi julie

Julie: Hi! Welcome to our Yahoo! Mail Live Chat service. I'm glad you'vejoined us.

Julie: Thank you for providing us the details of your issue.
Julie: In my understanding, you are unable to open your attachments.
KidDynamite: yes

Julie: Is that correct?
KidDynamite: yes
Julie: I apologize for the inconvenience this might have caused you.Please be assured that I'm more than willing to assist you with your concern.

Julie: Are you getting any error message?

KidDynamite: i get an "internet explorer cannot display the webpage"
KidDynamite: if someone sends me a file (.doc, .pdf) i can't even save it to my desktop... for some reason Yahoo Mail treats it like an HTML document
Julie: Thanks for the details.

Julie: Is "KidDynamite1" the Yahoo! ID you are having issues with?

KidDynamite: yes

Julie: Thanks for the details.

Julie: Please hold while I check on your issue.

Julie: Sorry for the delay, KidDynamite.

Julie: Let us clear your browser's cache and cookies first to see if theissue will go away.Julie: I'll be glad to walk you through the steps.

KidDynamite: ok

Julie: Before we proceed, close all your windows except this chatwindow. Make sure you're signed out of your Yahoo! Mail account.

KidDynamite: ok done

Julie: Thanks. Please open a new Internet Explorer window.

KidDynamite: done

Julie: 1. Click on "Tools" at the upper right of any Internet Explorer window.

Julie: 2. Choose Internet Options from the drop down menu.

KidDynamite: yep

Julie: 3. Click on "Delete" under "Browsing History".

Julie: 4. Click on "Delete All" at the bottom, and choose "OK" ifprompted.

Julie: 5. Click the OK button at the bottom of the Internet Optionswindow.

KidDynamite: ok

KidDynamite: done

Julie: Click here to access your account.

Julie: Let me know of the results, KidDynamite.

KidDynamite: 1 sec

Julie: No worries.

KidDynamite: still have the same problem

KidDynamite: it didn't fix it

Julie: Thanks for checking.

Julie: Let us try another troubleshooting step on your account to see ifthis will work.

Julie: Let us try enabling your Java Script.

KidDynamite: ok

Julie: Are you ready with the steps now?

KidDynamite: y

Julie: 1. From the "Tools" menu, click "Internet Options."

Julie: 2. Click on the "Advanced" tab and then in the "Settings" list,scroll down to the "Security" section.

Julie: Let me know if you're done.

KidDynamite: done

Julie: 3. Select the "Allow active content to run in files on MyComputer" check box.

Julie: 4. Click "OK."

KidDynamite: ok

Julie: 5. Click "Apply."

Julie: 6. Click "OK."

KidDynamite: done

Julie: 7. Close and relaunch your Internet browser.

Julie: Click here to logged back into your account.

Julie: Let me know if you are still having the same issue.

KidDynamite: yes,. still same problem

KidDynamite: as i said, it works from my GMAIL account. so i don't think it's aproblem with my PC settings

Julie: Okay.

Julie: Please temporarily disable your anti virus and fire wall client.

Julie: For most security software products, you can right-click on the security software icon in the bottom right-hand corner of your screen,by the system clock.

Julie: This will usually pop up a menu with "Preferences" or "disable"as an option. Julie: Try to change one of those options to see if the issue goes away.

KidDynamite: i have no interest in disabling my antivirus and firewall

KidDynamite: as i've said, it works in ANOTHER email client

KidDynamite: it's a YAHOO problem

Julie: Please understand that we need to check first all your settings.

KidDynamite: i looked on Yahoo answers and it seems i'm not the only person with this problem... this can't be the first Yahoo has heard of it...

KidDynamite: julie - let's just pretend i disabled my firewall and antivirus,and it still didn't work.

KidDynamite: then what?

Julie: My apologies for that, KidDynamite.

Julie: You should check it first before we proceed with the next step.

KidDynamite: ok 1 sec

KidDynamite: turn them off and retry it?

Julie: Please try to turn off your anti virus so we could check if this caused the issue.

Julie: Yes, after turning it off, you may close and restart yourbrowser.

KidDynamite: done. (note: I didn't turn off my anti-virus - I was bluffing Julie here)

KidDynamite: checking...

Julie: Then, try accessing again your account.

KidDynamite: still doesn't work!

Julie: Hi, I'll be right with you.

Julie: Sorry to keep you waiting.

Julie: Let us proceed with the next troubleshooting step on youraccount.

KidDynamite: ok

Julie: Let us disable your Internet Add Ons and Plug Ins.

Julie: 1. Close out of all instances of the Internet Explorer internetbrowser.Julie: 2. Select "Start", "Settings", then click "Control Panel".

KidDynamite: julie - are you a real person or an automated system?

Julie: Let me know if you're finish.

Julie: I am a real person, KidDynamite.

KidDynamite: :-)

Julie: :-)

Julie: Are you done with the first two steps?

KidDynamite: yes

Julie: 3. Double-click on "Internet Options".

Julie: 4. Select the "Advanced" tab.

KidDynamite: ok

Julie: 5. Under "Browsing", remove the "Enable third-party internetbrowser extensions" check box.

Julie: 6. Relaunch the Internet Explorer internet browser.

Julie: Please access your account here.

Julie: Let me know if the issue still persists.

KidDynamite: 1 sec

Julie: No worries.

KidDynamite: yep. still have the same problem

Julie: Alright.

Julie: Thanks for checking.

Julie: To check on your issue further, I need ermission to access your account and duplicate your issue at our end.

Julie: *permission

KidDynamite: ok

Julie: Thank you, before proceeding I'd like to verify your account information so I can confirm your account ownership. We take this precaution to ensure the security of your account.

Julie: Just to verify the Yahoo! ID that you are having problem with is"KidDynamite1". Am I correct?

KidDynamite: yes

Julie: What is your Date of Birth? (mm/dd/yyyy)

KidDynamite: 01/11/1976

Julie: What is the answer to your secret question: "what kind of pet doi have?"

KidDynamite: dog

Julie: Can I have your Alternate Email Address?

KidDynamite: for what purpose?

KidDynamite: it's the only email address i have that gets no spam... so i'm reluctant to give it out

Julie: Please understand that these requirements exist only to protectthe privacy and security of your account.

KidDynamite: sorry julie, but that has nothing to do with the privacy and security of my account

Julie: Let me provide you a link where you can add an alternate email address on your account.

KidDynamite: i do'nt want to add an alternate email address

KidDynamite: lets just pretend i don't have one

Julie: Please understand that I cannot access your account and duplicateyour issue without proper verification process.

KidDynamite: i dont understand.. do you want to send me an email? or do i have an alternate address already listed on my account?

KidDynamite: if i have an alternate address on my account

Julie: Let me provide you the link on how you can update your account information page, KidDynamite.

Julie: Click here to update your account information.

Julie: You may access the link and add the alternate email address thatyou have provided.

KidDynamite: ok. i do not have an alternate email address to add

Julie: You may add any alternate email address.

KidDynamite: i understand

KidDynamite: no thanks

Julie: I am sorry but I cannot access your account. This is ourstandard procedure in accessing one's account and we are all required to follow this procedure.

KidDynamite: so if someone only has a yahoo email address you cannot accesstheir account!??!?!KidDynamite: i have no idea what you are talking about

KidDynamite: how will ANOTHER email address help you access my account?

Julie: In depends on the verification process, KidDynamite. I need youralternate email address because the first data that you have provideddoes not match on our record.

Julie: Please access the link and add the alternate email address onyour account information page.

Julie: Let me know if you're still there.

KidDynamite: yes i am

KidDynamite: i did not get an email

Julie: Thanks.

KidDynamite: what information that i gave you was wrong?

KidDynamite: wait.. got the email

Julie: Let me check again your account.

KidDynamite: 1 sec

KidDynamite: ok

KidDynamite: i added the email adddresss

KidDynamite: now what

KidDynamite: and please tell me how to update my security quesitons - cause i created this account a long time ago when i didn't even have a pet - so i have no idea what the answer to that question is. i have a dog now.

Julie: Let me address your issue one at a time.

KidDynamite: go for it

KidDynamite: i'm still here

Julie: Thanks.

Julie: To answer your question regarding the information you have given,our system automatically identify the answers that you have provided andto update your "security questions" let me provide you a link on how you can update it.

KidDynamite: please do

Julie: Please click here to update your "Secret Question".

Julie: For the meantime, please log out from your Yahoo! Mail before I can access it.

KidDynamite: i am out

Julie: Thank you, please give me 2-3 minutes while I access youraccount.

KidDynamite: ok. by the way, there is no way i can change my secret question if i don't even know what my current secret answer is
KidDynamite: so that's useless
KidDynamite: but anyway....
KidDynamite: you've confused me into submission...
Julie: Alright. In that case, you will have to contact our AccountVerification Team.
Julie: Let me provide you their contact details now.
KidDynamite: forget it
Julie: Please call 1-866-562-7219 for AV Department.
KidDynamite: lets just see if you can fix the email problem
Julie: Please hold while I check your issue.Julie: Could you tell me what subject of the attachments are you trying to open?
KidDynamite: can i log back in to check?
KidDynamite: third one down in my account
KidDynamite: from Mom Dynamite
Julie: Alright.
Julie: Let me log out first from your account.
Julie: You may check now your account.KidDynamite: i did already
KidDynamite: i told you already
Julie: Alright.
Julie: Thanks for the details.
KidDynamite: did you find it?
KidDynamite: can you open it?
Julie: Yes, KidDynamite.
Julie: One moment please as I further check on it.
Julie: I was able to download the attachment, KidDynamite.
KidDynamite: are you on Windows Vista?
KidDynamite: actually - i'm on a laptop now that's not running Vista - so that's not the problem
Julie: Let me try that again.
Julie: I was able to download again the attachments. Have you try downloading the attachments in another browser?
KidDynamite: nope
KidDynamite: what browser are you using?
Julie: I am using Mozilla Firefox. Let me provide you a link where you can download another browser.
KidDynamite: no thanks
KidDynamite: hold on.
KidDynamite: i have Safari
KidDynamite: trying it...
Julie: Okay.
KidDynamite: doesn't work in Safari either (i was using IE before)
KidDynamite: here is the error from Safari:KidDynamite: Safari can't open the page" "unknown error"(CFURLErrorDomain:302)
Julie: Thanks for trying.
Julie: But I could open your attachments here on my end.
KidDynamite: ok. i guess i'll just have to stop using yahoo
KidDynamite: are you coming to the Chanukah party?
Julie: If you will invite me, KidDynamite.
Julie: My apologies for the inconvenience.
KidDynamite: there are clearly problems julie - why don't you download IE and see if it works?
Julie: I would suggest that try accessing your Yahoo! Mail account from another computer at a different location. You should also try adifferent ISP to eliminate that as a possible factor.
Julie: I will try to open the attachments on IE browser.
Julie: Please hold for a while.
KidDynamite: ok
Julie: Thanks.
Julie: I was able to open the attachment using the IE browser.
KidDynamite: come on
KidDynamite: you're kidding
KidDynamite: what's it say?
Julie: Thank you for waiting. I'll be with you in just a moment.
Julie: I'm sorry for the delay. I'll be with you as soon as I can.
KidDynamite: i thought we were in the middle of a conversation...
Julie: Sorry to keep you waiting.
Julie: Please let me check again your issue.
KidDynamite: julie... i'm starting to think you're really a computer
Julie: I am still here.
Julie: I am still investigating your issue.
Julie: Just to verify, the attachment is a word document, right?
KidDynamite: yes
KidDynamite: what version of IE did you use?
Julie: Alright.
Julie: It says that "It's time for latkes, dreidel games, Yankee swap,time together, and more".
KidDynamite: i have IE 7.0.5730.11
KidDynamite: correct... you passed the test!
KidDynamite: i believe you are a human now...
KidDynamite: and i can't believe you were able to open the attachment
KidDynamite: jeez...
KidDynamite: so what IE version?
KidDynamite: and also, about that party - do you think it sounds like fun?
Julie: Yes, KidDynamite.
Julie: The version I am using as of now is IE 6.
KidDynamite: ok. i give up.
Julie: Yes, I think that was fun.
Julie: I am sorry for the inconvenience, KidDynamite.
KidDynamite: yeah yeah
Julie: Anything else of the moment?
KidDynamite: can you please remove the other email from my account?
KidDynamite: it will not let me delete it now
KidDynamite: it says i must have another email...
KidDynamite: which is ridiculous, because i didn't before
Julie: You will have to contact our Account Verification Team regarding that issue.
KidDynamite: oh man. you duped me
KidDynamite: you got me to add another email for no good reason!
KidDynamite: all that account does is forward to yahoo anyway
Julie: Let me provide you their contact details now.
KidDynamite: i have no interest in calling them
KidDynamite: or wasting any more time with Yahoo
Julie: Please call 1-866-562-7219 for AV Department.
KidDynamite: julie - i appreciate your help, but it's clear there are problems with yahoo email you can see it in the Yahoo questions and answers forums
Julie: My apologies for any inconvenience.
KidDynamite: it's not just me... your teams should be looking into the solution
KidDynamite: i know you guys change the versions all the time... well, my current version sucks - it doesn't work.
Julie: You may visit our Yahoo! Mail Blog site about the updates onYahoo! Mail, KidDynamite.
KidDynamite: plese forward my complaints up the yahoo technology food chain
KidDynamite: where is the yahoo mail blog?
Julie: Click here for Yahoo! Mail Blog site.
KidDynamite: do you see what it says there?
KidDynamite: the post from November 11th?
Julie: Yes, rest assured that I will take note of your issue and we willtry to investigate all the possible causes.
KidDynamite: they are already aware of the problem!!!!
KidDynamite: please make sure they know it's not fixed
Julie: I will take note of that.
Julie: Is there anything else I can help you with?
KidDynamite: nope
KidDynamite: thanks
this is my life...


SirFWALGMan said...

Only thing worse is if Julie is actually Roberto. Good luck man!

Alan aka RecessRampage said...

That was long... and totally worth it! Hilarious stuff.

Julie said...

KD - How about I come over tonight to really work on your laptop, i'd be glad to spend some more time with your download...

call me,