Monday, February 04, 2008

Stupor Bowl

This cheers me up... the best commercial from the Super Bowl - the Tide talking stain.

Gotta give credit to the G-men. They walked through the top three teams in the NFC on the road, and then somehow pulled out somewhere between 6 and 600 favorable sigmas on their final drive to beat the Patriots, including a riCOCKulous first down hurl to David Tyree, who made a circus catch (pinning the ball against his HELMET!) as Rodney Harrison desperately tried to break up the play, and Asante Samuel stood still watching along with Ellis Hobbs.

Fuck. What really bugs me is those Schadenfreude-a-licious cockchuggers on the '72 Dolphins. Mercury Morris took a break from slamming 8-balls of coke long enough to make a new commercial relishing the Pats' defeat. Was it me, or was Don Shula missing from that commercial? He must have been getting his diaper changed. If only Eli hadn't put together the miracle drive to beat all miracle drives, we'd never have to hear from these doucheballs again - but the Patriots' perfect regular season is without a doubt marginalized by their failure to win the Super Bowl - no one can argue that.

Peter King summed up the game pretty well when he quoted Michael Strahan, who, relishing in his team's victory and attempting to explain it, was quoting the inimmitable Mike Tyson: "Everybody has a plan until they get punched in the face."

You can't blame this game on the officials, but I am a little surprised that not one of the myriad articles I read today mentioned the highly questionable call when Patriots linebacker Pierre Woods (who?!?!?!) recovered an Eli Manning fumble in the first half on the Giants' side of the field, only to have the Giants' linemen flip him over and rip the ball from his hands.

If there was a line in Vegas earlier in the season for "Which Manning will hand New England their first defeat of the season?" I think it would have looked something like:

Peyton - 1200

Eli + 950

And Coughlin putting together the perfect game plan - outcoaching Belichick?!? Coughlin didn't even use his challenge flag!!! Are you fucking KIDDING me? I would have bet that there would be a safety in the game before I bet that Coughlin would make it through the game without making an asinine challenge. These are definitely signs of the apocalypse. I'm going to start building my bunker.

I think I'll watch the Tide talking stain ad again...


1 comment:

johnny hotcock said...

A brutal loss, no doubt. The good looks of Tom Brady defeated by a semi-autistic slack-jawed yokel in need of a nose job ... life just ain't fair at all.

I'm with you regarding the '72 Dolphins: They can eat a dick. Shula was a prick all season, and continued to be that way pre-game. I so wanted the Pats to win so that he could eat a gun in his Marriott suite that evening. Alas.