Thursday, June 12, 2008

I can't Help It

Ok, look - I WANT to pretend I'm mature enough not to giggle about this, but, fuck it - I'm not.

I went to CVS today to pick up a prescription, and there was a girl in front of me in line. Now, we've all bought condoms before, it's no big deal, but this girl had two 12 packs of Magnums in her hand, AND, here's the kicker - a bottle of Astroglide.

Now, never mind the fact that I could probably use a Trojan Magnum as a freakin' SLEEPING BAG - the sheer volume of king sized lubricated protection, combined with the need for additional friction-mitigating substance had me calmly pursing my lips.

In poker, we have the concept of multi-level thinking.

Level one: I know what my hand is. I am here to pick up a prescription for some antibiotic cream because I have knerpes - that's knee herpes: it's a simple rash on my knee (note: not really herpes)

Level two: What does my opponent have? Well, she has the tools to make for a very active weekend, with a partner who apparently has a gigantic hammer.

Level three: What does my opponent think that I have? Well, she probably doesn't know I have knerpes, cause she's in front of me in line. And I have no idea what prescription she's picking up.

Level four: What does she think that I think that she has? See, this is the fun one, cause we both know that she knows that I know that she's got two jumbo packs of Magnums and a bottle of Astroglide (thankfully, it appeared to be a normal sized bottle of Astroglide - if she had the pint sized I don't think I'd have been able to stifle a chuckle). She knows she's gonna get seriously slammed this weekend. I KNOW she's going to get seriously slammed this weekend. She knows that I'm judging her, but she may not know that I know the extent of her plans, and she's trying to act nonchalant about it.

No post about lube would be complete without the following video from Superbad:

until next time,


The Bracelet said...

Knee Herpes is the 79th leading cause of death in third world countries. Make sure you finish the whole tube.

donkeypuncher said...

Goddamm. I thought I had a witty comment, then the Bracelet beat me to it.

AwesomeSean said...

KD...Love it. You cannot judge from that vantage point. We've all gone through 12 rubbers and a bottle o' lube on a Thursday.

Fuel55 said...

Classic video.

Drizztdj said...

Should have asked her what she was planning on putting inside of the condoms.

The reaction would have been gold.