If I wasn't aware of the state of the Nathan's 4th of July Hot Dog Eating contest over the past several years (and by that, I mean, the vanquishing of Japan's seemingly immortal Takeru Kobayashi by American Joey Chestnut), I would probably think that every piece of this story was false...but no. It's real:
"A Japanese eating champion who sat out this year's Coney Island Fourth of July hot dog contest apparently couldn't resist the temptation to hotdog afterward."
get it - HOTDOG!! hehehehhe.. so clever....(where's my sarcasm font?)
"Competitive eater Joey "Jaws" Chestnut gobbled his way to a fourth consecutive championship Sunday. But he was suddenly upstaged by the surprise appearance of his biggest rival -- six-time champion Takeru Kobayashi, who did not compete but crashed the stage after Chestnut's win and wrestled with police.
"Let him eat! Let him eat!" the crowd chanted as police handcuffed the world's No. 3 professional eater, dubbed "The Tsunami.""
Let him eat! I mean - not "Hell no we won't go" not "equal rights for everyone NOW!" not "bailout main street not wall street..." no... LET HIM EAT! Incredible...
"The 32-year-old Kobayashi did not eat this year because he refused to sign a contract with Major League Eating -- the fast food equivalent of the NFL. On his Japanese-language blog, he said he wanted to be free to compete in contests sanctioned by other groups."
Come on. Really? MLE? Major League Eating? Jeeeeeeezus
"But a few days ago, he told Japan's Kyodo News: "I really want to compete in the event."
Kobayashi, wearing a black T-shirt that said "Free Kobi," mingled with the crowd watching the contest, standing inside a police-barricaded pen just under the stage. When the eating ended, he slipped up the stage stairs."
Free Kobi! What kind of world do we live in if a skinny Japanese guy can't take part in whatever eating contests he wants to without being subjected to the whim of The Man - we've even corporatized EATING? FAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHK
"Then, several security officers appeared and tried to usher him off. He grabbed a metal police barricade with both hands, holding on tightly as the officers pulled at him. Finally, they dragged him down the stairs, with Kobayashi resisting vehemently.
He was under arrest Sunday afternoon, charged with resisting arrest, trespass and obstructing governmental administration"
Obstructing governmental administration?!?!?! THEY WERE EATING HOT DOGS!!!
Somehow, Kobayashi avoided getting tazed through all of this, which seems like a perfectly natural ending for the story.