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Wednesday, December 08, 2010

Chinese Buzzword IPOs - Too Sexy (YOKU -NFLX, DANG-AMZN)

"This is why I'm hot, This is why I'm hot, this is why this is why this is why I'm hot" -MIMS

Did you get shares of YOKU (+$20.64, 161.25%) on the IPO?  Yeah baby - that's right - I'm talking about the Chinese Netflix.  Price?  Who cares. Did you hear me?  I SAID CHINESE MUTHERF'ING NETFLIX!   How about DANG (+$13.91, 86.94%)? As my boy JC likes to say, "Do I have your attention yet?"

I inquired about a month ago  "If someone wrote a post about Fed buying gold in QE3 using HFT in an effort to fund Obamacare, would it blow up the internet?"  Well, today, China tried to blow up our stock markets with two IPOs that are way too hot to handle.

YOKU is "the Chinese NFLX/HULU/YouTube" (Stop!  Too sexy!  you had me at Netflix! Adding HULU and YouTube is just overkill) and DANG is "the Chinese Amazon.com."

(Side note: It's not every day that you get the perfect opportunity to embed one of the greatest one-hit wonders of all time: Right Said Fred's "Too Sexy."  These Chinese Buzzword IPOs are, beyond the shadow of a doubt, too sexy.  Without further ado:


(note the lyrics: "I'm too sexy for Milan, New York and Japan," but clearly not too sexy for China!)

Hot mama.  The Chinese Amazon.com?  Where do I sign up?  Can I get stuff shipped from Shenzehn via DANG Prime in 2 days?  You have to appreciate the irony of the stock ticker DANG.  I feel like they would have taken HOLYSH1T if it were possible, or maybe HOTDAMN or ONFIRE.  Sadly, they're limited to 4 characters (until they declare bankruptcy at least, then they might get a Q appended to the end!), and had to settle for the ticker that says it all: DANG!  Their Google Finance page shows the company name as: E-Commerce China Dangdang Inc.  Seriously - it's almost like a joke: start with  the buzzword "E-commerce", add "China" and then append an exclamation at the end.  Repeat the exclamation for good measure.  Result:  E-commerce China Dangdang.  Awesome stuff.

If DANG and YOKU aren't "too hot in the hot tub," I don't know what is (by the way, if you've never seen this video, it's Eddie Murphy as James Brown from the heydays of SnL - all time great):




I mean, how could it get any hotter?  They'd have to be a silver miner using social networking and deal-of-the-day marketing to deliver their goods via online streaming media.  E-commerce.  Cloud Computing. Palladium.   I'm out of random buzzwords to tack on to the end.  I guess if they made a double-long ETF out of this, it could get hotter.

I did appreciate the warning at the end of the Forbes article on these sizzlers:

"“You will get the bad with the good,” warns Bard, but as long as the market can tell the difference between the China’s Amazon and China’s Pets.com things shouldn’t get too overheated."

If only it were that easy...

-KD

9 comments:

scharfy said...

Seriously dude- fucking genius post.

Chinese-solar-social media-crowd sourced-multi platform-emerging market- high freqency-distribution platform.....

Just upgraded to a strong buy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Downtown Josh Brown said...

Kid's in rare form tonight. Right Said Fred ftw

Anonymous said...

The last I used it, Youku was more like an unpolished Youtube/Megavideo site where I could watch bootleg copies of Lost. At least Youtube has infrastructure in place to address copyright concerns... Youtube is at a billion a year, Youku was 30 million.

Then again Baidu keeps blowing up too.

Anonymous said...

What once took mainframes the size of a two story flat, Cloud Computing can do with a Mac Book Pro.

Love to the clouds. And the one hitters.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9RwZcYpn4_E

-HR Dobbs

Yangabanga said...

Epic post brother.

Anonymous said...

Nice! You should also know that DANG hired The Jon Spencer Blues Explosion to write their corporate theme song:

http://tinyurl.com/2wp8mpp

Anonymous said...

That's one of the best blog posts I've ever read

b said...

I had a comment earlier here about how Youku was nothing more than a lame version of Youtube that hosts bootleg content, with pathetic revenues ($30 million vs Youtube's billion) but that comment dissapeared...

Anyway, Business Insider has a post about the overhype of Youku/YOKU.

Kid Dynamite said...

b- sorry - that comment got caught up in the spam filter. i just released it. I tried to short YOKU at 48 today - but was denied (no borrow)...