Redirecting

Thursday, November 16, 2006

Are You Kidding Me?

Impossible "DYKWTFIA" moment from a friend of mine who was out on a date last night. The story starts with an IM teaser tidbit which my boy Greg copied from our boy DZ:

"we were out for hours... everything seemed cool. she was in a black dress, burberry jacket. looked preppy. then just lost it."

as Greg tells me "some chick bit DZ last night!" Holy cow - I immediately try to extract the meaningful info from Greg (seductively? angrily? vampire-ly?), but he doesn't quite have it, so I go straight to the source: DZ - to find out what really happened.

Basically, DZ was out with this chick at the bar that is the epitome of everything I hate about Murray Hill: Wet Bar. After several hours, he has to leave, so on his way to the bathroom, he pays the tab at the bar, and when he returns, all hell breaks loose.

She starts screaming at him "YOU THINK YOU KNOW EVERYTHING! YOU THINK YOU'RE BETTER THAN ME? GOOGLE MY FAMILY'S NAME - SEE HOW MUCH MONEY WE HAVE! DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM?"

Meanwhile, DZ is standing there stunned, and, in his own words from IM:

DZ (11:28:58 AM): she was like "do you know who i am?"
DZ (11:29:04 AM): i said," absolutely not!"
DZ (11:29:07 AM): "i have no idea who you are"

KidDynamite (11:29:08 AM): DYKWTFIA - do you know who the fk i am?
KidDynamite (11:29:12 AM): and what did she say? (answer: he never should have paid the bar tab)

DZ (11:29:35 AM): i said you're right, i really wish i never paid that bar tab. lets go to an atm and you can pay me back.

Holy cow! Is this tremendous stuff or what? Not only did DZ have HIS FUCKING DATE ask him "Do you know who I am," but he had the style to reply, "Absolutely not, I have no idea who you are." Kudos DZ - nice hand.

He goes on to tell me more:

DZ (11:37:35 AM): while we were at the bar, this trashy girl sat next to us. my date and her were chatting for a bit. she was complaining about the wine she had so when we got our round, i offered to get her another drink, just because she was talking to us. then during the tirade, my girl said "and you bought that slut with the big boobs a drink! you think you know everything!"

KidDynamite (11:38:46 AM): AWESOME!

DZ (11:38:54 AM): i was like -- you were the one talking to her.

She also ranted "You think you know everything because you went to Brown - well you DON'T."

But the kicker is that, after making this scene in the bar, ranting and raving like a lunatic who had a switch flicked in her brain, she BIT HIM ON THE HAND! Holy shit! Are you fucking kidding me?

And DZ's punchline is classic:

DZ (11:42:04 AM): my buddy got her roommates number the week before. i told him "i think i blew it for you"

Now I know what you're thinking: what was her name? Well, I beat on DZ for an hour today, as he repeatedly claimed that he didn't know her name - that he'd forgotten it. I eventually managed to extract a first name, Julie, but Julie's last name remains a mystery for the time being. Believe me, if I uncover anything juicy, you know I'll rant about it here.

Until next time,
KD

4 comments:

Huge Junk said...

FANTASTIC!!!

I absolutely love when someone goes for the, "You think you're better than me?" blast. Awesome!

Donkeypuncher said...

That's just great stuff.
My favorite line is, "GOOGLE MY FAMILY'S NAME - SEE HOW MUCH MONEY WE HAVE!"

Karol said...

Who knew paying for someones drinks could get you bit.

Blonde said...

Her name was psycho.

I love when guys buy me drinks. It makes me feel less slutty when I blow them. j/k.

I lived in the city briefly in Murray Hill...all the chicks under the age of 80 that live there are nuts.