Thursday, February 21, 2008

Wii Fit

Tremendous Wii Fit parody.

Friday, February 15, 2008

Smoking Guns

I'm going to try not to get into a 1500 word rage on the Clemens-McNamee hearing, but there are a few things that need to be mentioned:
Yahoo News had a great story today about McNamee's account of the infamous Jose Canseco Pool Party, explaining how he specifically remembered that Clemens was there:
From the deposition of Brian McNamee, pages 26-27:
Q: We've received evidence that there was a team party at Canseco's house, but that Mr. Clemens was golfing that day and wasn't at the party. It sounds like you have a pretty clear recollection of seeing Mr. Clemens at this party along with some family members, is that right? Are you certain about that?

A: Roger showed up after golf, I believe. Maybe he was golfing. I don't know if he was golfing. He might have showed up a little bit later, but no, he was there the whole time for the most part. He was in the house. I could tell a specific story about him being there, which was involving Jose (Canseco), Jose's wife and Roger's wife when they went inside, when the guys showed up. I mean, they talked -- no disrespect, but they talked about how great Jose's wife's augmentation job was to Debbie and showed her. And then Debbie showed her her augmentation job.
This is where a better blogger would give you a picture of both Mrs. Clemens' bombs, and Mrs. Canseco's bombs. Come to think of it, i'll never think of "Canseco bombs" as long home runs anymore.
Simon On Sports offered up a pretty good, brief summary of the proceedings, in simple picture form.
Finally, I'm going to stand on my soap box (is that when it's called when you get 50 hits a day? maybe a match box?) Anyway, it's my blog, so I can write whatever the fuck I want, and I want to say that Congressman Burton from Indiana is an ignorant doucheball and he's lucky I'm not one of his constituents or I'd be using my free time to expose him for what he is and get him removed from office. Burton's fact-ignoring attack on Brian McNamee was ridiculous, and exposed how absurd these hearing are in the first place: a bunch of unqualified congressmen taking sides and trying to discredit either McNamee or Clemens. Burton actually quoted the fact that the announcers for the Blue Jay's game the day following the party in question (at Canseco's house) mentioned that Clemens was not there, THEREFORE, McNamee is a liar and cannot be trusted. Douche. He clearly didn't know about the "augmentation comparison."
Congressman Chris Shays from Connecticut earns runner up douche of the day awards for trying to make a name for himself by ranting about McNamee being a drug dealer. Hey Shays - you can't have it both ways - if McNamee is a drug dealer, then Clemens is a drug user.
Finally, I'm very confused about the quoted testimony of Clemens' nanny. McNamee claimed that the nanny would be able to corroborate his claim that Clemens was at the Canseco party, and he even gave a somewhat freaky and vivid description of the bikini and board shorts she was wearing as she chased the Clemens tots by the pool.
Congressman Waxman mentioned that when the committee finally got ahold of Clemens' nanny (after Clemens claimed he was "doing ya'll a favor" by contacting the nanny first, in direct defiance of the request of the committee) the nanny confirmed that Mrs. Clemens and the children were there and even spent the night at the Canseco house, and that Roger was there too. Then, the day after the hearings, there was a news story quoting the nanny as saying that Roger was NOT at the party, and that he is a very nice man, and that she told the committee as much. I don't know if Waxman "misremembered" the testimony of the nanny, much like Roger claims that Andy Pettitte "misremembers" Rocket telling him he used HGH, but I don't know where the conflicting information came from.
I leave you with an article from SportsPickle, explaining why we shouldn't worry that Congress is spending it's time with this Clemens bullshit: excerpts: "Major League Baseball umpires will gather between home plate and the pitcher’s mound today to discuss many of the biggest issues affecting America, as the Congressional panel spends its time determining the level of steroids use in baseball...The umpires will discuss the Iraq War, health care reform, global warming, border security, energy independence, taxes, torture, Social Security, and the minimum wage."
until next time...

Wednesday, February 06, 2008

ANOTHER Sign of the Apocalypse

Never mind that the temperature today here in NYC, on February 6th, was almost 70 degrees, how about this latest news in the Clemens steroid saga?
"Brian McNamee has given federal investigators bloody gauze pads and syringes he used to inject Roger Clemens with steroids and human-growth hormone in 2000 and 2001, a lawyer familiar with the matter said Wednesday."
Now, I'm no fan of Rocket Roger, but I can understand what his lawyer was feeling:
“It is just not credible — who in their right mind does such a thing?” Clemens’s Washington attorney, Lanny Breur said.
He saved bloody gauze pads for seven years?!?!?!? What the fuck?
Our country is at war, our economy is floundering, our congress is investigating baseball players possibly using drugs, and our senate is wasting its time looking into weather or not the Patriots may have taped part of a Rams' practice. Great stuff - and people think George Bush is the problem?
Oy vey.

Monday, February 04, 2008

Best Super Bowl Ad

Stupor Bowl

This cheers me up... the best commercial from the Super Bowl - the Tide talking stain.

Gotta give credit to the G-men. They walked through the top three teams in the NFC on the road, and then somehow pulled out somewhere between 6 and 600 favorable sigmas on their final drive to beat the Patriots, including a riCOCKulous first down hurl to David Tyree, who made a circus catch (pinning the ball against his HELMET!) as Rodney Harrison desperately tried to break up the play, and Asante Samuel stood still watching along with Ellis Hobbs.

Fuck. What really bugs me is those Schadenfreude-a-licious cockchuggers on the '72 Dolphins. Mercury Morris took a break from slamming 8-balls of coke long enough to make a new commercial relishing the Pats' defeat. Was it me, or was Don Shula missing from that commercial? He must have been getting his diaper changed. If only Eli hadn't put together the miracle drive to beat all miracle drives, we'd never have to hear from these doucheballs again - but the Patriots' perfect regular season is without a doubt marginalized by their failure to win the Super Bowl - no one can argue that.

Peter King summed up the game pretty well when he quoted Michael Strahan, who, relishing in his team's victory and attempting to explain it, was quoting the inimmitable Mike Tyson: "Everybody has a plan until they get punched in the face."

You can't blame this game on the officials, but I am a little surprised that not one of the myriad articles I read today mentioned the highly questionable call when Patriots linebacker Pierre Woods (who?!?!?!) recovered an Eli Manning fumble in the first half on the Giants' side of the field, only to have the Giants' linemen flip him over and rip the ball from his hands.

If there was a line in Vegas earlier in the season for "Which Manning will hand New England their first defeat of the season?" I think it would have looked something like:

Peyton - 1200

Eli + 950

And Coughlin putting together the perfect game plan - outcoaching Belichick?!? Coughlin didn't even use his challenge flag!!! Are you fucking KIDDING me? I would have bet that there would be a safety in the game before I bet that Coughlin would make it through the game without making an asinine challenge. These are definitely signs of the apocalypse. I'm going to start building my bunker.

I think I'll watch the Tide talking stain ad again...


Friday, February 01, 2008

Go Pats!