It's time for another round of "Dear Penthouse? or NY Times?" Where I give you, the reader, a clip of an article and you have to tell me if it's from The Paper of Record, the NY Times, for part of a "Dear Penthouse" erotic letter.
" There was the man they called “Bob the Builder,” who wore only a hard hat. There was the naked sunbather who remarked, “Nice day for it, isn’t it?” to a woman taking a walk. And there was the moment, Jules Perkins said, when the dizzying array of sexual forces that have somehow descended on her blameless Surrey village came together all at once, like a scene from a one-size-fits-all X-rated film."
That sounds like just another day at Hedonism, as described in Penthouse Letters, but it's actually the intro to the NY Times article.
"Later, she found a pink vibrator in the bushes.
“I gave it to the police,” she said. “They said, ‘What should we do with it?’ I said, ‘Put it in Lost Property.’ ”
You guessed it - that's also from the NY Times. I don't have a comprehensive database, but I'm going to step out on a limb and guess that's probably the first time the NY Times has every published the sentence "Later, she found a pink vibrator in the bushes."
"Enthusiasts’ Web sites alert practitioners to known dogging locations — more than 100 in Surrey alone — and offer handy etiquette tips for the confused or overly excited.
“Only join in or move closer if you are asked,” advises one site, Swinging Heaven, which says it has more than one million registered members."
This one is obvious: classic NY Times - offering practical advice and explanations. "Dogging," by the way, has nothing to do with K9s - it's the slang term for having sex in public places.
"Swinging Heaven says that the practice began in Britain in the 1970s, and that the term comes from the phenomenon of voyeurs “doggedly” following people having sex. Others say that practitioners claim to be “walking the dog” when they are, in fact, going out to meet naked strangers in fields."
I don't know if I'll ever be able to keep a straight face when talking about "walking the dog" again... That's courtesy of the NY Times, by the way.
"She was six feet tall, about a hundred and thirty pounds. She had long black hair, 36D breasts and the most beautiful legs I had ever seen. I was no slouch myself, being blond, six feet four and all muscle, and being a football star I could just about have my choice of the college girls."
I snuck that one in there - it's from Penthouse Letters (NSFW).
"Meanwhile, frazzled residents trade tales of woe: The half-dressed men who materialize from the shrubbery and theatrically pretend to be foraging for nuts and berries. The Internet reviews (“One site listed us as the No. 2 dogging site in Europe,” Ms. Perkins said wearily). The occasion when an unsuspecting motorist went for a bathroom break in the bushes, only to be surrounded by a crowd of eager men.
“It was the quickest pee he’d ever done in his life,” Ms. Paterson said."
Again, that paragraph is from the NY Times, and it may be one of the best few lines they've ever written. Just look at the brilliant imagery condensed here, and just try NOT to imagine it! the half naked dudes pretending to be foraging for nuts and berries! The guy who goes to pee in the bushes and gets surrounded by a crowd of "EAGER men!" The poor guy's hurry to zip up and get out of there. And the subtle brilliance of the "No. 2 dogging site in Europe!" As reader Bones put it, "Silver medal dogging site! They need more Michael Phelps!"
I think that with a little effort, I could quickly become one of the top ten dogging sites in New Hampshire. I'm not actually going to try to do this, and perhaps I'd be surprised to find a plethora of established dogging sites already dominating the Granite State.
Thanks to the NY Times for this educational article on "dogging."
Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go walk the dogs. No - seriously - Oscar and Griffey need to go out.