Tuesday, November 07, 2006


I remember back when I used to read Sports Illustrated, there was a little sidebar called "This Week's Sign of the Apocalypse," and it would have the ridiculous item of the week from the sports world. Nowadays, I don't know if they still have this feature, as ridiculousness has become commonplace, with athletes shooting up cars outside of strip clubs, and characters like Ocho Cinco.

However, when I was driving to Boston this weekend with Mrs. Dynamite, I had the displeasure of realizing a definite sign that the Apocalypse is near, when the song Fergalicious came on the radio. I was driving, and, in a state of utter shock, nearly drove into the ditch in the median on I84, as I listened to the verbal vomit that is Fergie's Fergalicious. Seriously - words cannot describe how bad this song is. A post on WFNX's message board said it best: "Fergalicious is slightly better than My Humps or London Bridge, which is much like saying diphtheria is better than leprosy." I can't verify that Fergalicious is better than those other two crappy songs, as I think it is quite possibly the worst song I have ever heard.

Now, this is saying a lot. After all, it means that Fergalicious is worse than K-fed's PoPoZau - which I had previously thought was the worst song ever recorded. Listening to Fergalicious, though, made me long for, beg for, PoPoZau. It got me thinking that I may have to go buy K-fed's album after all, as I heard something about PoPoZau not being on the album, since it didn't meet K-fed's strict standards of quality. I mean, if Fergalicious is on the radio, and PoPoZau is BETTER than Fergalicious but NOT AS GOOD as K-fed's other shit, than his other shit may be seriously legit. I'll let someone else investigate.

On Sunday, on our trip home, I was finally coming down of the Fergalicious-induced-TILT from Friday evening, when another song came on the radio in the car: Justin Timberlake's "Bringin' Sexy Back." Holy shit. This song is also 100 times worse than PoPoZau, although not quite as bad as Fergalicious. Still, Bringin' Sexy Back is uber-TILT-inducing.

Dirty Dave and I used to utilize the term POPOZAU! to describe any insanely TILT inspiring situation. For example: you're an Oakland Raider fan, and your team just set a record this week by becoming the only team in the history of the NFL to be shut out on Monday Night Football twice in the same season: POPOZAU!.

You're the Dallas Cowboys, on the road in Washington, freerolling to win the game with a field goal attempt at the end of regulation in a tie game... The kick gets blocked, returned, and has a 15 yard face mask penalty tacked on, allowing for a final play by Washington with no time left on the clock, where they nail a 47 yard game winning field goal: POPOZAU!

You're Kid Dynamite: watching the Pats-Colts on Monday night, having wagered on the total score: Over 48.5. You're a lock at halftime, 17-14 Indy, and in the 4th quarter you need a mere fieldgoal when Indy is up 27-20, but Adam "Automatic" Vinatieri misses a field goal for only the second time all year (the first time was earlier in the game!) as does the Pat's FG kicker. Brady throws his 3rd and 4th interceptions, and your "over" goes down in flames. POPOZAU!

After conferring with Dirty Dave today, I explained to him the relative value equation:

PoPoZau > Bringin'Sexy Back > Fergalicious,

and that henceforth, all formerly PoPoZau situations would become FERGALICIOUS! situations. Get sucked out on when your opponent spikes runner runner in a $1500 pot? FERGALICIOUS! Accidentally call your wife when you sit on your cell phone while receiving a lappy d? FERGALICIOUS! Drew Bledsoe gets replaced at QB so you can no longer bet against him? FERGALICIOUS! You get the point.

In other news: yesterday was Oscar's first birthday! This was a big deal in the Dynamite household. Mrs. Dynamite baked Oscar a cake (banana), complete with cream cheese frosting, and his friend Buddy came over to play. Today we went to the pet store so Oscar could pick out the toy/treat of his choice. Yep, the little guy is one, and has made is wicked happy so far.

until next time,


The Bracelet said...

You really can't rank how bad these songs are by simply listening to them on the radio. I think a more appropriate measure of how terrible these songs are would be to watch the video of each.

I'm of the belief that K-Fed trumps all when you take his retarded song and put it together with the retarded patheticness that is Kevin Federline.

Blonde said...

You need to get satelite radio to avoid such catastrophes. The only reason I know that stupid London Bridge song is because my high school cousins played it a million times over at my beach house this summer.

Oscar is 1!!!! I love that dog :).

KrazyBangs said...

Happy Birthday Oscar!!!

Dude, you are Kid Dynamite adn admitted to listening to the words of K-Fed and Timberdonk in the same post.

For shame.

Anonymous said...

Your relative value equation is priceless.

Where would "Hips Don't Lie" fit in? I freaking hate that song.

I've stayed clear of K-Fed (EX!), J-Tim, Fergie, the London Bridge singer, etc. etc., but there's no escaping Shakira.

P.S. Happy Birthday Oscar!

Kid Dynamite said...

ah yes, but Shakira's hips don't lie...