Saturday, December 30, 2006

Heads Up!

It must have been my junior year in high school, 1993. I threw discuss on the track team, and we were practicing indoors, in the double sized gym, throwing hard rubber discusses.

I was sitting on an aluminum bench, talking to Nick, when suddenly, our conversation was shattered by the sound of a discus slamming into the bench next 18 inches from me. I looked up, incredulously, at Coach Moran, giving him the ultimate "what the FUCK?" look without saying anything.
He was already coming toward me, smiling, with his hands up in a peace offering pose, trying to explain himself, "Look, I knew the discuss wasn't going to hit you, so I didn't want to yell something that would cause you to move into it's path." Kenny, a 6 foot 5 260 lb. defensive lineman, who had thrown the disc, now grunted "heads up," and chuckled, as he picked up another disc.
So why do I bring up this seemingly random story? Well, I'm glad you asked. You see, Oscar has taken to peeing on people in the Small Dog Run. He wanders around, and then, with little warning, lifts his leg and hoses down an unwary target.
Now, sometimes Oscar is out of ammo, and it's just a harmless leg lift, and sometimes he has juice left, but misses his target. However, there are times when he manages to label someones leg with pee.
So my dilemma is, as I see Oscar lift his leg, do I
a) shout "Oscar NO!" and draw attention to it, which, although perhaps making me look like a responsible dog owner, will highlight the fact to the victim that they are getting peed on, and usually does nothing to deter Oscar anyway. It will also highlight the fact that my boy is a people-pee-er.
b) stay silent, hoping Oscar has no ammo left, or will miss their leg

c) count on the person not to notice anyway
Today, I opted for option a), but Oscar lifted his leg anyway, and nailed a lady sitting on the bench, who then, in horror, gasped, "Oh my goodness! is that on ME?" I snatched up Oscar immediately, and took him out of the dog run, all the while cursing this idiot who wasn't paying attention and blamed my baby! I mean, you have to understand, this shit happens in the dog run - that's why you don't wear your fancy pants, and that's why you pay attention when dogs are sniffing around at your feet.
Anyway, who could stay mad at this face:

Happy New Year to everyone.



The Bracelet said...

Happy New Year!

Hopefully 2007 will be the year of less douchebags.

Blonde said...

Oscar is just showing everyone at the dog run that he is the king. Simple little man complex, but it's every man for himself on the dog run...getting pissed on, leg humped, crotched sniffed and stepping in dog shit happens.

That dog is so adorable to look at. I bet you get hit on everywhere you go with him.

Happy New Year

The_Chef said...

Dude, that's a Ceasar Milan moment hahaha!

My dog chili does the same damn thing. he's an assassin with the pee.

A pee assassin. Oscar and Chili should gang up and take over the dog runs around the world with their assassination attempts.