Don't Throw Rocks at a Man with a Machine Gun

The title of this post pays homage to the highly quotable Rowdy Roddy Piper.

No sooner had I finished typing "aggressive - not afraid to bluff more than once" into the "notes" section on PartyPoker for my opponent (whose anonymity I'll protect by giving him the pseudonym "Helpless_Douchebag", we played this hand:

$2-$4 NL on Party

Seat 3 is the button,

Total number of players : 6

Seat 1: DBAG1 ( $521.60)
Seat 2: DBAG2 ( $349.20)
Seat 3: DBAG3 ( $382)
Seat 4: Helpless_Douchebag ( $290.80)
Seat 5: KidDynamite4 ( $520.50)
Seat 6: DBAG6 ( $135.50)

Helpless_Douchebag posts small blind (2)
KidDynamite4 posts big blind (4)
Dealt to KidDynamite4 [ Kd, Ks ]
DBAG1. DBAG2 folds. DBAG3 folds. DBAG6 folds.
Helpless_Douchebag calls (2)
KidDynamite4 raises (12) to 16
Helpless_Douchebag calls (12)

** Dealing Flop ** : [ Kc, 8d, Qh ]

Yeah - I flopped top set... But in this game, that's only 1/2 the battle, as it's very hard to get action unless you make a big hand VERSUS a big hand... The other way is to artfully induce bluffs - which is the path I chose:

Helpless_Douchebag checks.
KidDynamite4 bets (15)
Helpless_Douchebag calls (15)

This guy expects me to bet...Now he's gonna see if i have the stones to follow through with it on the turn.

** Dealing Turn ** : [ 5h ]
Helpless_Douchebag checks.
KidDynamite4 bets (20)
Helpless_Douchebag raises (40) to 40
KidDynamite4 raises (60) to 80

This was the key point in the hand... I could have smooth called, but I figured I'd give him one more chance to try to win the "bigger-dick-contest" - by re-raising.

Helpless_Douchebag raises (219.80) to 259.80 Helpless_Douchebag is all-In. DO YOU KNOW WHO THE FUCK I AM? FISH ON!
KidDynamite4 calls (179.80)

** Dealing River ** : [ 5d ] Creating Main Pot with $578.60 with Helpless_Douchebag

** Summary **Main Pot: $578.60 Rake: $3Board: [ Kc 8d Qh 5h 5d ]
Helpless_Douchebag balance $0, lost $290.80 [ 9c Td ] [ a pair of fives -- Kc,Qh,Td,5h,5d ]KidDynamite4 balance $808.30, bet $290.80, collected $578.60, net +$287.80 [ Kd Ks ] [ a full house, Kings full of fives -- Kd,Ks,Kc,5h,5d ]

So I'm owning the table. Playing very sharp poker - winning an endless succession of small to medium sized pots, and I'm up about $600. Then my AK runs into pocket 4's on an A-7-4 board... Then my K-Q of clubs sees a flop of Q-5c-2c: top pair and a flush draw... And I run into a set of Q's. I'm only up a few hundred now, and for some reason, I get bored with this predictable, easily beatable game, yearning to get back to my high-water-mark of profits, and I open up a second table. With this Donkey thinking, I quickly become the Donkey.

Now, I don't play online poker everyday. I'm not used to focusing on two games at once, and dealing with them both effectively. On my second table, I find A-K suited, and raise it up, getting 4 callers. I bet 1/2 the pot on the Q-J-x flop, and when my opponent comes over the top of me, I muck. We repeat this scenario soon when he runs me out of another pot. Finally, I take a stand when I again raise with A-K suited, this time in position, and we see the flop of K-J-T. he bets 1/2 the pot into me, and I raise. He comes over the top for ANOTHER pot-sized re-raise all-in (and he has me covered), and for some, inexplicable reason, I decide to lose my stack ($450+) with A-K top pair, when it's pretty fucking obvious I'm beat. He shows me Q-9 for the flopped straight, and I'm officially on TILT.

I jump tables again, desperately searching for action, before bluffing off another buyin, and working myself into an absolute tilt-o-fuckin-riffic frenzy before Mrs. Dynamite gets home. "Hey Honey - guess what I am for Halloween - a fucking DONKEY! Yeah - I'm the guy who plays perfect poker for an hour, then tilts off three buy-ins in 15 minutes because he loses focus and starts making bad decisions trying to get even!"

The sad thing is, I KNEW I was making mistakes, but I couldn't stop myself... I was pushing my stack around like I was in a small-buy-in-tourney, but these were real dollars. I finally felt like I'd figured out how to crush this game, but I decided I needed more action, and created it - by donking off my stack. Infuriating. I hope my opponents added me to their buddy lists and come looking for me... Because when they do, I'll be focused... and KidDynamite4 will take your fucking stack. Fair Warning.

TILTed out of control, but trying to get back on the wagon,
KD