Friday, August 05, 2005

Wesson Girl

another blast from the past - at the request of Bones and the Big Show - from March 3rd, 2005:

last night, i put in 7 hours (7:30pm - 2:30 am) @ PS1-2 NL

When I got there, they had 3 tables: 2 must moves. I made it through the first game quickly, out of the sea of short stacks, into a table where where is this guy who works for the Dept of Santitation (we'll call him Garbage Man). Garbage Man is a lunatic with a big mouth who can't stop complaining about how this dealer put THE WORST beat on him: he had 5-5 and the other guy had K-J, and the flop came A-A-7-7-6. can you believe it?

Anyway, he's a first class goofball, but he's funny and wild, and he has a CHOOOOOOOCH friend who wears this leather tophat kinda thing and looks like Fred Armisen from Saturday Night Live, who is lamenting about how he lost with AK in the tourney "i mean, you CANNOT fold AK right? the flop was 3 small cards!"

WESSON GIRL: Over the course of play, Garbage Man tells us the story of his buddy banging some married woman in Brooklyn. The Friend is banging her over the kitchen sink, when she reaches under the sink, sticks her fingers in a bottle of Wesson Oil,and then starts pumping them in her own ass... After repeating this tryst numerous times over several weeks, the buddy gets tired of fucking this woman, so he asks Wesson Girl (as he has named her) - if Garbage Man can fuck her while he watches... Wesson Girl, surprisingly, is game! Some of the guys at the table are annoyed at Garbage Man's antics, but i just want him to keep happy and talking...

i ask him "When you fucked her in the garage, did she dip her fingers in motor oil?"

then, in his in-imitable Bronx accent, he says that when HE was fucking her, he asked her to "do 'dat Wesson Oil thing" and she gets mad at his buddy for telling Garbage Man about that... meanwhile,you have to understand, THE BUDDY IS WATCHING GARBAGE MAN FUCK HER AT THE TIME! And now she's suddenly bashful? You cannot make this shit up...
Occasionally, when the action was on Garbage Man, he'd be caught staring dreamily skyward... "Hey - Garbage Man - it's on you!"
He'd simply blink his eyes, drift back to earth, and wistfully repeat to himself: "Wesson Girl..."


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