Thursday, April 30, 2009

The Wallgina and It's Impact on Housing Prices

I have been a fan of Nouriel Roubini for a while - he didn't drink the bullish brainwash Kool-Aid and had the foresight to see the financial collapse coming. Now, critics of his will say he's been bearish forever, and that if you're always bearish, you'll certainly be correct when the Bear finally comes. I happen to find his thesis much more tenable than the bullish "hope and pray" thesis, and then I happened upon more evidence of his supreme intelligence: the details of his apartment.

So anyway, I'm ALREADY solidly in Roubini's camp, and then today I find this month old article from NY Magazine that I somehow missed, about the wall vaginas in his Tribeca loft! "What the fuck is a wall vagina?" you might ask - well click over to the pics on the NY Mag article (apparently, Roubini doesn't like the pics being publicized, and although I am not afraid of a challenge, I don't want to incur the wrath of Roubini's empire of Euro-model fembots.)

Now, if there was ever the smoking gun piece of evidence that housing prices are not going higher, this Wallgina news is it. I mean, after you've put the crown touch of the wall vagina on your apartment, what else can you possible do? There are no other improvements left in the spectrum. Remodel bathroom? check. Install skylight? check. Install reclaimed wide plank floors? check. New Viking appliances in the kitchen? check. Renovate heating and cooling system to operate off solar and geothermal power with radiant floor heating? check.

Hmmm.. What else can we do with this place? Knock down the wall between the two small bedrooms on the second floor? check. Brand new state of the art video intercom? check. Buy air rights from the building next door and create my own personal roof deck on their rooftop? check. What else.. there must be something... wait - I've got it... WALL VAGINAS!

I am left to wonder what the return on investment is on Wallginas... If a remodeled bathroom recoups 70% of its value at resale, I'm guessing the Wallgina returns roughly 135%. More importantly, now I know what "WV" means when I see it in a real estate listing:

"2BR 2BA in desirable building. Brick walls, doorman, WD, MAR MBA, PAR PAT, WV"

This clearly means: Two Bedroom, two bathroom apartment in a crappy area. The apartment is old, there is a doorman in the building. The apartment has a marble master bath, a partially fenced patio, and wall vaginas.

Thank you, Mr. Roubini, for this brilliant idea.


p.s. my most loyal reader, Bones, would like to point out the URL for the NY Mag article, and nominate it for "URL of the Year"



The Bracelet said...

I imagine some sex-crazed wacko sitting in his shitty rural Connecticut home looking up from his computer at the wallginas he's had on his walls for the past twenty years and he screams like those poignant moments in movies where the main character looks up to the sky from his knees and aims his gut-wrenching NOOOOO directly at Jesus and this originator of the wallgina does the same as he sees that he has missed his window to greatness like the dude in the Inventech commercial watching rollerbladers go by as he disgustingly dumps his crappy homemade version into the trash and curses himself for not calling for his free inventors packet and mister original wallgina creator falls deeper into depression and obscurity becoming obsessive compulsive and he spends the rest of his days relentlessly scrubbing his wallginas clean until his skin peels and eventually he dies.

Anyways. Cool. Wallginas.

Gugel said...

You ranked 21st for the top 100 poker blogs. Congrats :)